What It Takes

It’s been a while now and I realize that a lot of the feelings that I “stopped” feeling were not totally gone, but merely anesthetized with work and preoccupation with the band. The truth is, at the point where I’m at now, I’ve seriously lost faith in rshps. It’s fucking Karma. I’ve slept around with other people’s gfs and seen just how far they would go to lie to their bfs. And now I fear that if I put my all in a rshp, my own gf will wind up fucking some guy behind my back, haha! Sometimes I wonder, what does it take to actually be honest? What does it take to actually fuck up less? What does it take to find somebody who is loyal, sincere and honest?

Do I hold people to such high standards that I build false images of perfection of them and believe in those images? I guess some people never were as good as I wish them to be. A good friend told me that I really need to snap out of all the emotional stupidity. He told me that I would lose the band if I keep this shit up. I’ve not been myself. Or rather, I've gone back to being my old self. I’ve gone back to my old ways again. I’ve been smoking on occasion again, a habit that I’ve kicked, but has been back to haunt me every so often. I’m over-boozing again to a point where I booze even when I’m at a coffee shop having dinner. I booze after work at 5pm quite often nowadays.

I’m miserable because I am disappointed in you, in what you’ve become since we broke up. I am disappointed in myself because I lied to myself in order to believe that you were so much better than you really are. I’m disappointed in you because you threw away someone who treated you sincerely and threw yourself away cheaply at men who never loved you and just wanted to use you. I’m angry at myself because there is a woman who loves me to bits and I do love her too but we just can’t work out. I’m tired because I’m swamped by insincere and cheating women who I’m not the least bit interested in as they continue to take chunk after chunk of my faith in rshps. I’m fucking pissed and disappointed that I have just scared away yet another girl that is great.

Fuck.

AEROSMITH – WHAT IT TAKES

There goes my old girlfriend, there's another diamond ring
And, uh, all those late night promises I guess they don't mean a thing
So baby, what's the story? Did you find another man?
Is it easy to sleep in the bed that we made?
When you don't look back I guess the feelings start to fade away.
I used to feel your fire
But now it's cold inside
And you're back on the street like you didn't miss a beat, yeah

Chorus:
Tell me what it takes to let you go
Tell me how the pain's supposed to go
Tell me how it is that you can sleep in the night
Without thinking you lost everything that was good in your life to the toss of the dice?
Tell me what it takes to let you go.

Yeah
Girl, before I met you I was F.I.N.E. Fine
but your love made me a prisoner, yeah my heart's been doing time
You spent me up like money, then you hung me out to dry
It was easy to keep all your lies in disguise
Cause you had me in deep with the devil in your eyes

Tell me what it takes to let you go
Tell me how the pain's supposed to go
Tell me how it is that you can sleep in the night
Without thinking you lost everything that was good in your life to the toss of the dice?
Tell me what it takes to let you go.

Guitar!

Tell me that you're happy that you're on your own Yeah, yeah, yeah
Tell me that it's better when you're all alone
Tell me that your body doesn't miss my touch
Tell me that my lovin' didn't mean that much
Tell me you ain't dyin' when you're cryin' for me

Tell me what it takes to let you go
Tell me how the pain's supposed to go
Tell me how it is that you can sleep in the night
Without thinking you lost everything that was good in your life to the toss of the dice?

Tell me who's to blame for thinkin' twice
No no no no 'cause I don't wanna burn in paradise
Ooo Let go, let go, let go,
let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go,
let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go
I don't wanna burn, I don't wanna burn